The last couple of day’s my worries have been high. I know there is a lot that’s going on right now, and it’s overwhelming me to the point, I’m crying a lot and having bad days more often then not. This is not a cry for help in anyway, shape or form. I just need to talk myself through this. I feel like I am half assing my recovery trying to take care of everyone else and me at the same time. I did voice my opinion and I feel like I am not being listened too. I am probably overthinking this but, this is how I really feel at the moment; and my flight or fight response is not helping the situation either. I am trying to ignore the overthinker as best as I can, and also the unwanted flight or fight responses.
All I want is to be free from my mental health and I am trying to work at it. I know I am overwhelmed with everything that’s going on right now, and I just want to be free from it. I hate the way I feel and having these daily Headaches which do not really help. The depression and anxiety in which have taken over my life, should not be but they are. The good days are scarce and I wish for them to come back. Gosh, I miss the old me where I had no headaches and I was free to do what I wished. I thought that it was the caffeine doing this to me, but with everything that’s going on it’s making me doubt that entirely.
I am confused most times in which is not good at all, and all feelings that I have had completely numbed out. I feel like a robot and to say that is not really good. Gosh, just look at me I am a mess and I don’t want to be but, my problems are multiplying and I just want to leave and start new. I had completely spiralled while living here and I can feel it. I want to be healed but everything is getting worse and one day the stress is going to kill me if I don’t get out.
I have tried all my plans to leave but it’s not working, I am tired and I can’t do this anymore. I want to go home to somewhere where I can call my own. But no one will let me leave and I feel trapped. Trapped in a windowless room to what? To die? I can’t do this anymore, the wolves have their claws in me and I want to leave for good and move to another province to mend and heal. This is why I can no longer trust anyone.
Dee
Deejaegh Beck 