I keep getting anxiety before, during and after eating food. I don’t know why. This is brand new to me and all I want to do is eat without the bull-shit of the anxiety. I feel like it’s getting worse and it’s painful to see myself going through this. I sit here crying over the fact that I can’t eat. But I try anyways and I go into anxiety and I wonder why. Could it be because of the place where I am? Could it be because I have to worked on that part of myself that still is holding onto the eating disorder? Before I could eat like no tomorrow and now I am having so much trouble eating. Maybe treatment is the best place for myself at this point in time. God…….this hurts so much.
This is what I get for neglecting my body for years. I feel like I am failing myself all over again and I hate it. I think its time for help because I am super failing myself and I don’t know where to start anymore. I don’t know if this place is toxic and triggering me, and to top it off I wish you could see the tears rolling down my face. I want you to see them. The pain coming from my eyes. The look of everything. With everything thats happening right now I wish I had someone to lean on and to hold me. But you don’t know me, and there is no chance that you would want to help me.
I feel so alone right now and it’s triggering me more and more every second of the day. And as I vape I wonder to myself is there anyone out there who would want to be my shoulder to cry out on. But people will always leave my side, they always do, no matter what they say they just do. I’m the woman you leave bound and hurt to the point I have stopped trusting. All I want are good people but I usually get the jerks and dicks and thats who I attract.
Dee
Deejaegh Beck 